obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
