You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're too hungover to prance.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
