Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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