This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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