The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
