I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
PANTIES FOUND
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