i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
