when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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