I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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