i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I deserve this hangover.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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