As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
