I just made out with a guy for $7.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do vagina's smell?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
