I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
