i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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