i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
