Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
