if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
