WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
