i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you inspire me to be a worse person
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
