on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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