bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
