As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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