im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
