my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
