Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
