The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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