So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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