she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
