You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
