i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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