I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
