I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize