I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
