i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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