why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
