My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
