I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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