somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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