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Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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