That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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