Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize