would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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