but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
