I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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