The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MIDGETS
????
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
