i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
