yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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