So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
