May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
