Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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