dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
