she woke up with a sticky ear
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
