i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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