You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
