i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE