Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....