i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching