there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
