I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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