Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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