I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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