First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
