omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They have beer where we have blood.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
