How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
