Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
