Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
